Our first stop on the private adoption train in Connecticut was Jewish Family Services, which was a DCF partner at one time, but is pretty much strictly domestic infant adoption (DIA) now. We knew we couldn't be placed with them because of the cost of DIA, but we were interested in having them do our home study, which is around $2000 right now. Our social worker encouraged us to investigate fertility (as previously mentioned--sigh) and also to figure out what agency we'd like to be placed with, since it's easier to do both the home study and placement with the same one.
The search for a placement agency turned up Spence-Chapin, an amazing agency out of NYC with outposts in Connecticut! Even better, we found that their home study fee for domestic adoptions of all kinds is $1500, and that one of their specialities is special needs infant and toddler adoption (which they call ASAP). That particular program is so well-funded that they do not charge a fee for placement, which is fairly uncommon across the country. In addition, they offer an international adoption program with several countries, including South Africa, which is an LGBT-friendly pilot program! Home study fees are $2500 for an international home study, and placement fees are more, making it pretty out of reach for us, but it was pretty cool to see international LGBT adoption programs.
We attended an orientation with Spence-Chapin, and were crazy impressed with ASAP. After speaking with a social worker, however, we realized that there are over fifty families waiting in their ASAP program, and that placement could take years. We reasoned that although the wait for our child would be more than worth it, there are so many children in need of homes now! So, we pushed on to find a private agency that would license for foster care.
Next stop: Connecticut Adoption Services, a private agency out of Norwich that does all kinds of adoptions, including adoptions from foster care! We met with their social worker out of Wallingford, who was awesome. In our first meeting, she told us that there are seventeen agencies in the state who license foster parents--seventeen! I was baffled. I only stumbled upon Connecticut Adoption Services after hours and hours of research, how can there be seventeen agencies with absolutely no marketing and outreach program at all?! Crazy. Anyway, our social worker was fantastic, digging into policies and reaching out to other agencies when she didn't know answers to our hundreds of questions. She was such an advocate for us, and although we didn't, in the end, move forward with CAS, I can't recommend Karen Annis enough!
Returning to my good friend Google was especially exciting after finding that so many agencies license foster parents, and I found several local agencies that looked awesome. Some specialize in teen rehabilitation (i.e. kids who have been released from juvenile detention or are living in group homes), or medically complex infants, or children with behavioral or emotional issues from trauma...the scope of these agencies' diversity is impressive. So, who are we working with? Boys and Girls Village of Milford! Watch this, and tell me you don't understand why:
Yeah. I know. Our first contact with BGVillage brought us to our two social workers, Bethany and Kelly, and every interaction with them since has been reassuring, encouraging, and inspiring! We had our first in-person interview with them about a week ago, and are starting our TIPS-MAPP class on November 17th. If you have ever toyed with the thought of opening your heart and home to foster care, or even adoption, please give them a shout! They really have the well-being of both the children and prospective parents in mind from the get-go, and as I've found, that's pretty darn rare.
In the three years that have passed since we first started this journey to motherhood, we've gone through some traumatic experiences, but in the end, it's challenged us to put our own insecurities and frustrations aside, so that we can be better parents for our kiddos. I'm grateful to have had this time to reflect on the positive qualities and areas for improvement that I bring to this family, and the opportunity to strengthen my marriage. There is still much to be done by way of home safety preparations, class completion, and paperwork, but the second week of February can't come soon enough!
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