In Support of Mental Health First Aid Certification (and a Tiny Update)

Last February, A and I were walking to our car after Sunday dim sum, and noticed a young boy, probably around six years old, frantically searching the rows of parked cars with tears streaming down his face.  I instantly kicked into protective mode and calmly approached the kiddo, and asked him if he needed help.  He grabbed my hand and pleaded, "Maa-ma, maa-ma!"  

Last November, A noticed a customer staring blankly at a row of kitchen utensils, and simply asked, "How's it going?"  "Not so good," she replied, and began to cry.  A hugged her and reassured her that she was not alone.

I'm sure many of us have had interactions with people we don't know who needed our help, or maybe even close friends or family members who have called on us in their times of need.  Unless you've lead a life of public service or have training in crisis management and social work, it can be daunting to know what to do in the heat of the moment.  Enter: Mental Health First Aid certification.

I first became aware of MHFA when I was an AmeriCorps VISTA.  I had just transferred sites from MA to CT, and learned that I had missed the Youth MHFA certification training by a day.  A day!  Although it was not required that I become certified in order to serve as a VISTA, I was still intrigued.  After doing a little research on my own, I found that MHFA training comes in two certification courses--youth and adult--and for the most part, they're offered fee-free or with a small donation (depending on who's hosting them) on a very regular basis.  I was sold, and because A usually goes along with whatever adventure I've planned in a given week, she was sold, too.

Our first stop was Adult MHFA certification, an eight-hour course spread over two days.  It was hosted by a local church, where we met some of the most generous and kindhearted Connecticuters, and was led by a licensed social worker and registered nurse.  The course was absolutely fantastic, giving us action plans and opportunities to practice navigating scenarios in which we encounter anxiety, depression, panic attacks, suicidal ideation, and bipolar episodes in our friends, our family members, and the broader community.  It helped us explore our own biases and conceptions about mental health in order to move past negative associations and stigma, so we're able to meet our community's needs with empathy and without reservation.

I should stress that while I am trained to manage folks in these states clinically, this course does not at all teach diagnosis or treatment, but rather gives the tools necessary to stabilize someone in crisis until professional help arrives or the crisis resolves, much like CPR or First Aid certification.  It empowers you to diffuse a stressful situation, to recommend resources for professional referrals, and to de-stigmatize mental health issues.  Needless to say, A and I loved this incredible training, and found it to be quite valuable in both our professional lives (mine, as a physician, and hers, as a retail manager) and our personal lives.

As someone who experienced her first panic attack last year, I can attest to the fact that these episodes can come without reason and at inconvenient times.  I am lucky that I was with my wife when it happened, but it began only a short time before I was to board my commuter train into Boston, and I can't imagine having this experience by myself on public transportation.  I want to make sure that if this does happen to anyone around me, I can be an effective supporter until help arrives or the episode passes.

As we're making final arrangements to welcome our boys home, we are well aware of the trauma all foster kids have sustained, regardless of their ages, and we want to be prepared for a mental health crisis, if one should arise.  We finished our Youth MHFA certification last night, and can honestly say that it was very valuable to take both the Adult and Youth trainings.  The mental health challenges that youth face today can be quite different than what adults do, and are certainly different from those we experienced as children. We know that there is still so much to learn about parenthood, and that most of our education will come when we are placed, but between the TIPS-MAPP training, Common Sense Parenting, and Youth MHFA, we're certainly feeling a lot more confident and prepared!

Anyway, all this to say: if you've got eight to sixteen hours to spend challenging your own misconceptions and honing essential skills to help your community, I'd highly recommend enrolling in a Mental Health First Aid certification course, stat.  You could literally be saving a life.

P.S. About fifteen minutes into last night's session, I received a call from our agency's foster care director.  The fingerprints are in.  We're officially licensed foster parents, and we'll get to meet B and C within the week!

A School Lottery, and the Magic of Stress

This week was a big one for S + A, complete with a final home inspection and a tiny foster parent training graduation ceremony.  We're about 99.9% through the licensing process, and are just waiting on those godforsaken fingerprints to come back to complete our application.  (Yep, still waiting.  Sigh.)  Four months of fingerprint processing seems excessive to us, but we're hopeful that it's just a sign that SO MANY people are applying to be foster parents right now, and that's what's getting us through.

Amid all of the frustration and doubt we've experienced in the past month since we were preliminarily matched, there was a small, silent shift that neither of us noticed--until it hit us like a ton of bricks.  Last Thursday, after our final class, and after a 2.5 hour-long meeting with the foster care director at our adoption agency, we put on our boots and coats and walked the 0.3 miles to the local middle school for a Pre-K3 to Grade 8 Open House.  There, we ran through the STEM-based curriculum, uniform requirements, homework expectations, meal schedules, extracurricular activities, and a school tour, alongside twenty of our comrades.  There, we were treated just like any other parents of prospective students, and I have to say, it felt wonderful.  It felt like Orientation Day at the best job in the world, like I had been waiting my entire life to calculate bus schedules and weigh the differences between magnet, charter, and neighborhood schools.  It felt like we are actually, definitely, totally becoming parents.

A takes in the view of the gym.

On the chilly walk home from the best middle school in the entire world, A and I held hands and excitedly waxed poetic through chattering teeth about this new development in our journey.  Suddenly, the fear of this adoption disrupting is no longer the loudest voice in my head, and instead, it's been replaced with the looming deadline for the school lottery--March 5th, in case you're wondering--and the chance that my boys won't be matched with the kindergarten that will get them into an excellent college.  It's figuring out our backup plan (Keep the boys at the school they're at, 30 minutes away?  Homeschool until first grade?  Private/Catholic school?) and calculating the cost of a second vehicle, should it come that.  It's planning for the future, in very real terms, and it's everything.

A with a legit NASA space suit hanging out in a random hallway at the school.  Apparently, an entire semester is dedicated to NASA-based curriculum in Year Six. I'm telling you, this is the coolest science and technology-based interdistrict magnet school in the history of interdistrict magnet schools.  Cross your fingers that we're matched here, friends!

So, that's our update for the week: not too much has changed physically, but pretty much everything has changed mentally and emotionally.  It's an incredible blessing, finding this beautiful magic in our stress, and we'll appreciate every bit of it until we can bring these boys home.

When Little One Becomes Little Two

With eleven inches of snow piled up around our home, A and I took this snow weekend to create the perfect bedroom for two little guys.  As you might recall, until a few days ago, the kiddos' bedroom looked like this:

...but that simply won't do for two boys!  So, we made a few changes.

Don't worry, the tent found a great home in the living room.

Here's to hoping that our fingerprints come back this coming week, so we can meet our boys!

Hurry Up and Wait!: a Written Update from S + A

January 19, 2017, will forever be a day of great importance to this growing family!  I was in Las Vegas, visiting my family, while A stayed behind with the pups to tend the home fires.  As we were leaving Babystacks (a bomb Filipino breakfast/lunch joint in Vegas--you should visit), I received a phone call from our social worker, and assumed it had to do with missing paperwork or additional steps to licensure.  Was I ever wrong!  While my niece howled in the background (she really, really hates car rides), our social worker informed me that she had found a potential match for our family: two young boys, ages 3 and 4, who lived a few towns away from us.  I was in complete shock.  Literally, time stood still.  Barely able to stumble over my words, I asked her how many other families were being considered (zero!), and what the next steps would be.  I gave her a verbal "yes!" for me, hung up, and immediately called A at work to tell her the news.  After a very brief, dazed conversation with her, A gave me, and eventually our social worker, a verbal "yes!" as well, and so began the matching process.

Many steps go into the matching process, as we are learning, and because we are working with a private agency, it seems that pinning down dates that work for us, our agency, and DCF is that much more arduous.  We're asked to be swift in our responses, only to wait interminably on counter responses from other parties.  It's challenging, but is it worth the chance to parent two awesome kiddos?  Absolutely.

Our social worker has already met with DCF to present a case for us as potential parents, and thankfully, we've been given the green light!  Next steps include waiting for a disclosure meeting, where A and I meet with our social worker and folks from DCF to speak directly about everything and anything having to do with the kiddos, including medical history, behavioral health, habits, likes and dislikes, and a transition to permanency plan.  It's been a week of waiting already, so hopefully, we'll get a time scheduled for this meeting very soon!  After the disclosure meeting, and assuming our fingerprints and background checks have (finally) cleared, we'll be able to meet the boys.  We know it's going to be the best day EVER.

Final thoughts: GIGANTIC thank you to my Vegas-based family, who, within a literal moment's notice, compiled two large suitcases of clothes and toys for the boys, as seen below.  We may live on opposite ends of the continent, but we know we can count on you for never-ending love and support (and supplies!).  Mahalo, Ouano ohana! <3

An update from your favorite pre-adoptive lesbian couple!