Four years ago, we began this journey to motherhood in a cramped room in the DCF offices in Bellevue, WA, and were made aware then of just how alternative our lifestyle was (small space living mavens, devout Catholic lesbians, urban homesteaders--the usual), and how much that didn't fit DCF's picture of a proper foster home. Shockingly, there was no problem with the lesbian thing or the natural-medicine-only thing or the Catholic thing, but rather, with our determination to build a proper nursery in a corner of our 350-square foot studio in downtown Seattle. Legally, children older than the age of one need their own bedroom with at least fifty square feet per child, and with our conservative budget, that kind of real estate just wasn't attainable in our neighborhood. So, we decided to buy our first home in the 'burbs...and after two failed escrows and five unaccepted (but full-price!) offers, we decided to try something else.
We relocated across the country to a suburb of a suburb of a suburb of Boston, because there was no way we could afford anything else, so that A could take a pay raise in a bigger market, which would position her for a major promotion much more quickly. Our faith paid off, and one-year-to-the-day ago, she accepted an offer of a great promotion, a raise, and a relocation bonus, and we drove a 26-foot U-Haul out of Massachusetts, through Rhode Island, and into an awesome little neighborhood on the west side of New Haven, Connecticut.
The smaller city made real estate much more within reach, and after a (frustrating) five-month escrow, we finally got to bask in the wonder of all 1,200 of our glorious square feet. The increase in footage brought our own laundry area, two-point-five bathrooms, and most importantly, two bedrooms. We had finally sailed over our largest hurdle to parenthood, and were ready to welcome little ones as soon as the pen left our mortgage documents.
My wife and I have lived in many different places around this gorgeous country, and while we love our #nomadiclife, there are moments when our independence translates to loneliness, where adventure equates to instability. Because we have opened case files with seven adoption agencies (of varying types), we have become quite the experts in adoption from foster care across state lines, but there's one question that has always tripped me up in home study interviews: what are the resources we've identified in our own families and circle of friends, and who will we reach out to in times of crisis? It's interesting, because I am absolutely of the mind that "it takes a village" to properly raise a child, and yet was determined to be completely self-sufficient in preparing for and raising our children. Since we've been married, it's always just been A and me (and later our puppies, E and V, of course), and I've mentally steeled myself for raising children with limited resources. If the past several months have taught me anything though, it's that no matter what ideas I may have in my mind, it's hardly ever the full picture--and this is where I humble myself with the reminder that although they may be far away, our ever-supportive community is always with us.
During our trip to Chicago over Thanksgiving, A's parents threw us an adoption shower, and their small home was packed to the gills with family and friends laughing and eating and asking questions about our journey and how best to support us. We flitted about the living room and kitchen, catching up with long-lost uncles and meeting new spouses and kiddos between bites of deli tray sandwiches and Costco sheet cake. The experience was magical, and it was our first step into really remembering what it's like to have an extended family again.
Since then, we've slowly shared the news of our adoption plans with more friends, and one by one, private messages of support and love have poured into our social media accounts and email inboxes, and unexpected Amazon Prime packages full of thoughtful gifts and supplies, from senders spanning both coasts, have arrived on our doorstep. While this journey has certainly brought new people into our lives, it has more importantly heralded the return of old friends and mentors, and the wisdom and experience these people are so willing to share.
This past weekend, A and I loaded up the pups and took to the highway to Dorchester, where our wonderful Boston-based buds threw us an adoption shower, complete with fox balloons, S+A-based Mad Libs, and the best game of Jeopardy ever (categories included Adoption, Baby Animals, B is for Bryson, Famous Carters, and Famous Mothers!). Once again, we were blown away by this wonderfully diverse group of people who had come to mean so much to us in such a short amount of time, and who braved the freezing temperature and howling winds to gift our family with their company and good wishes.
I guess this is my long-winded thank you to everyone who has reached out to us in support of the way we are growing our family, from a kind comment on a Facebook post, to celebrating with us in person, to sending us electrical outlet covers and Play-Doh Pizza Party kits. There is no way we could be the parents these boys deserve without your influence, and A and I both are overflowing with gratitude for our tribe that spans a nation. (And hey, thanks to your generosity, we're now literally ready to bring these little guys home! :D)
With love,
S, A, B, C, E, and V
